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Alcoholic BeveragesWhich is the right beer for you?
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A SelectSmart.com Alcoholic Beverages Selector by Mike Neilson, created January 2001. This is a simple test designed to figure out which beer is best suited for you. It is has situational questions so that you can return on different nights with different budgets/frames of mind/aspirations and the exam will produce different answers suited for each occasion.
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 Your first question is below. 

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1. Do you feel like spending less than $20 on a case of beer?
Prioritize your choice above:
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2. Are you looking for a dark beer?
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3. Does your hair often attract attention when you are in public (has anyone ever whispered/yelled the word "mullet" while laughing and pointing)?
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4. Do you think of yourself as being a pretty smart person?
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5. Do you like the taste of yak's blood, vomit, or Coors Light?
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6. Are you easily confused by bottles, especially ones that aren't twist tops?
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7. Have you ever punctured holes in a can of beer for the purpose of drinking it faster?
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8. ...ever tried it with a bottle (retard)?
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9. And how about those fine malt beverages in "perfectly sized" 40 oz. containers? Do you like them?
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10. Do you puke often?
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11. Do you like those little tiny umbrellas in your drinks?
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12. Do you like to discuss politics?
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13. Do you drive a foriegn car?
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14. Do you watch NASCAR?
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15. Do you refer to soda as "pop"?
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16. Do you like a good cigar?
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17. Does "Lite" beer seem a little weak to you?
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18. Do you like Mexican beers?
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19. ...how about Mexican beers with urine?
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20. Are you in college
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21. Are you cheap?
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22. Are you trying to impress a girl?
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23. Are you just trying to get drunk enough to forget that you just got laid off from some stupid dotcom, such as "selectsmart.com" ?
Prioritize your choice above:
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24. Is Queen Elizabeth II hot or what?
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Now that you have answered all the questions, continue to the
Show Me My Results! button below.


Just for fun, predict your #1 result. Your prediction will not influence your results.


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