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A SelectSmart.com Alcoholic Beverages Selector by Dr. Drailius Maximus, created March 2008. As an avid alcoholic i have composed a test to help you determine what drink is right for you.
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 Your first question is below. 

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1. Are you sophisticated?
Prioritize your choice above:
High
Medium
Low

2. Are you prone to random violence?
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3. Are you a major cause of unwanted sexual encounters?
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4. Do you want to quit your job?
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5. Do you pay good money for quality alcohol?
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6. Do you prefer a cheap quick drunk?
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7. Do you like boats?
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8. Have you ever robbed anyone?
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9. Has anyone ever told you that you smelled like insecticide?
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10. Have you ever driven your car through a catfish pond?
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11. Do you get alot of vitamin c in your diet?
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12. Ever been lit on fire?
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13. Do you cause alot of people headaches?
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14. Are you all American?
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15. Are you a very hairy person?
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High
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