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| Fred - funny grumpy joke-cracking junkman |
| Lamont - tall handsome easy going junkman |
| Uncle Woody - henpecked booze-loving relative |
| Bubba - funny chunky friend |
| Grady - looney nutty friend |
| Officer Smitty - cool cop |
| Officer Hoppy - goofy cop |
| Rollo - cool groovin hip friend |
| Julio - handsome funny neighbor and friend |
| Mrs. Fuentes - Julio's chunky mother |
| Donna - Fred's lovely girlfriend |
| Aunt Ester - tough grouchy purse slinging relative |
| Janet - attractive lady friend |
| This is not an answer, I've taken some liberties with the scoring so each charater has a chance |