Are you a short, dumpy fat slob?
True		False

Do you have brown stains either on your underwear, or upon your person that should not be there?
True		False

Are you so nasty that you don't even *bother* to wear underwear anymore?
True		False

Do you have brown, yellow, gray or any other unnaturally decaying shade of teeth?
True		False

Do you *only* leave the house for the bar, package store, or other occasion which involves (hopefully free) alcohol?
True		False

Is this the only occasion on which you bathe, shower or brush your brown teeth and/or (occasionally) attempt to dislodge the brown stains from your person?
True		False

Do you even *have* a home which to leave for these occasions? (Note: mommy doesn't count, neither does the current "freind" or "other")
True		False

Do you expect "Happy Meals" after cleaning the tub, whose porcelean's shade of brown almost rivals that of your teeth?
True		False

Do you even *have* any teeth?
True		False

Do you follow, stalk, harass, and basically spend every spare and/or waking moment checking up on the lives of people who don't like you?
True		False

Do you accuse every male that so much as breathes near you of being your "stalker," -then sleep with them the first chance you get?
True		False

Do you have a profession which allows you access to children?
True		False

Does the word "pedophile" make you bristle?
True		False

Do you use any of the following excuses to cover up your indescretions and lies: false "innocence," mental problems, having "bigger problems than everyone else," etc?
True		False

Does this cause you to cry copiously at parties or in the presence of others to get attention, sympathy, and pity?
True		False