#1 | 20.3%
| Celebrity or Reality TV Addiction- People use to have talent before you gave the media market support by viewing their programs. You are watching these shows b/c you find your life lacking interest. | |
#2 | 18.2%
| Computer Dependent Retardation- Turn off your internet. Go to a library for email and surfing (maybe even check out a book). | |
#3 | 12.5%
| Instrumental Illness- Step 1) Take lessons. Don't wait for the doctor to say, "You're dying from cancer." | |
#4 | 11.5%
| Exercising Extreme- If you're working at least 4 times a week, accept that no one's perfect and treat yourself to a cheeseburger. | |
#5 | 10.3%
| Increasing the Japanese Market Syndrome- Congrats, you can shoot things in a virtual world successfully and beat video games. You mostly socialize with friends through an Xbox (or something similar). In Japan, a man actually married a video game character. This syndrome creates horrible communication skills as well as awesome disorders like "ADD" and "ADHD." | |
#6 | 4.5%
| No Time to Travel Illness- You never will have time, might as well do it now. Passports are under 100 dollars. You blow more on a trip to Wal-mart. | |
#7 | 3.9%
| Liquor is a depressant, especially hard liquor. If you're down about life, try harder to be happy and stop drinking Jim Beam. | |
#8 | 3.7%
| Relying Stupidly on Technology Syndrome- You're not attached to the people in your address book, but on the addicting need for instant communication. This makes you appreciate people's true company less, impatient, and socially awkward face-to-face. The only thing you gain is becoming a "profile" stalker and/or texting expert. | |
#9 | 2.2%
| Midwest Syndrome- Three types of people lives in the Midwest: 1) People who establish themselves in a nice suburban neighborhood, 2) people who've grown up there and talk about leaving but never do, and 3) farmers. This sheltered life makes normal people want to shoot themselves. | |
#10 | 2.0%
| Painkiller Addiction: At least go for an Amphetamine (upper). | |
#11 | 1.9%
| Religion Reality Disorder- Physicians and psychiatrists from all the world advise church patients to cease religious activity immediately due to the overwhelming BS side-effects. | |
#12 | 1.6%
| Loan Debt Disorder- It's nice to have goals. Keep in mind, you'll always be in debt, and the goal in life will turn into paying off that debt. | |
#13 | 1.6%
| Same State Syndrome- Live close to relatives? Move, even if you like them. Distance is healthy for love. You'll love them more. | |
#14 | 1.4%
| Tragedy Guilt- When one expresses a genuine concern toward a bad event that affected others, but will do absolutely nothing about the issue, nor lose any sleep over that specific issue. | |
#15 | 1.0%
| Too Busy for Books Syndrome- Read a damn book. It expands your vocabulary. | |
#16 | 0.9%
| Underexposed Syndrome- Never have or will encounter marijuana. Probably passed down from tradition. | |
#17 | 0.8%
| Sell-Out Denial Disorder- If you're a life time fan of a famous group of musicians that came alive in the late 70s/early 80s, it's time to face the fact that they're making way too much to actually care about or create good music. | |
#18 | 0.7%
| Self Serving Overload Syndrome- You're masturbating too much. You need to either find a way to execute that bizarre fetish no one wants to try with you, get laid, or see a doctor about your overloaded sex drive (if you're already sexually active). | |
#19 | 0.3%
| Work Environment Negativity- Get over it. We're all in it the same boat. If you can't change the situation or job, then at least have a positive outlook (you're employed). You're bringing people down, man. | |
#20 | 0.3%
| Writing Disinterest- The fear or feeling of impatience toward writing. Though, it has been proven to be mentally beneficial. | |
#21 | 0.1%
| The Bar of Fallen Dreams Disorder- Visiting a bar every single week? You best be going to a poker meeting, trivia night, etc. People talking about potential that will never be executed is the most depressing environment one could expose themselves to. Karaoke is a double whammy. | |
#22 | 0.1%
| Twilight Disorder- To have interest in young adult novels for 13 year olds who read while hoping the main characters have sex. Must I say more? | |
#23 | 0.1%
| Unexpected Parenting Envy- The kid isn't going away, stop exposing them to negativity. | |